Now That That’s Over…
Let’s get down to business. Man, I really hate all that forced bullshit these holidays bring. If I had to endure another song about yule logs, I think I’d hit somebody with one. Everyone is busy running around, all hopped up on this false idea of “Christmas cheer” when we all know it’s a case of last minute shopping and bad driving. It’s dangerous out there. As I see it, there are about 16 more days before everyone goes back to normal as that’s when the gaudy lights and inflatables come off people’s homes and people have returned all those unwanted gifts from Aunt Selma.
I’m also glad people will stop saying “Merry Christmas” to me instead of a simple good-bye. I’m not Christian. Don’t assume. It got to the point where I’d be at CostCo getting things and instead of saying “Thank you,” or the ever popular “Have a nice day,” I am sent away with “Merry Christmas”.
“Happy Hannukah!” I’d smile and say back to the most puzzled of faces or delight in watching them vacillate in the awkward dance of telling me they weren’t Jewish or assuring me that my sudden and apparently assumed Jewishness was ok too.
War on Christmas? You got it! After all, you started it with the constant sensory assault through sleigh bell music, that Santa hat, and that annual trampling of an elderly person at your local big-box superstore. Where’s the kindness? Where’s the sanity? And where are my damn gifts?
And isn’t it what this is really is all about? Mass consumerism and capitalism dressed up in red and green and twinkling lights? Yes, Virginia, there is an ATM at this location. In buying a gift for those loved ones, people are caught up in this cloud of anxiety and expectation of what this time of year is perceived to bring. If you liked these same people the other 364 days of the year, couldn’t you have bought them a gift at any time?
So now, please put away that wreath of pinecones, those ever-so hilarious novelty antlers for your VW sports wagon, and that precious cat sweater with “MEOW-y Xmas!” on either sides so it can live another day to embarrass us all (including the cat). I’ve had enough – enough of all the appropriated mish-mash of pagan, Christian, and made up consumer come-ons to last me a lifetime. This includes that crazy story about that one guy who rose from the dead and did all these purported magic things.
Um, yeah, like whatever.
