Today was one of those days that were just a bit… off. I worked all day, getting interrupted at regular intervals by my coworkers who are too stupid to use their own brains, so they piggy back onto my lethargic morning mind in hopes that I’ll answer obvious questions and wipe the corners of their mouths when the drool inevitably pours out.

Hours dragged on as I accomplished nothing and as soon as the clock struck 5 I packed everything up and trudged through Costco and shopped with the rest of the mouth-breathing ass faces. Multi-vitamin. Garlic bread. The nightmare in the pharmacy just to get some goddamned allergy medicine. Home and relaxation.

Right?

No. This was snatched away from me. I thought it was weird that the cat and her blind(ish) companion were at a strange distance from the front porch. Odd, but not totally out of place, as they know which car is mine and often come out from hiding to roll around prone on the sidewalk. I pet them and said hello and came upon a gift left on the welcome mat – not from the cats, but from the feral child across the street.

I used to feel sorry for the kid. He had no friends a couple of years ago and he’d invent ways to get people to pay attention to him by creating small businesses, like a “cinema” in his living room where you’d watch his favorite movie with him and he’d charge money or he’d ask you to watch him swing around in his tire swing in the front yard. But now, he’s graduated to yelling at the Catholic school girls from his window to show their breasts, to bark out of his window at passersby, bounce soccer balls off of parked cars, or shoot his super-soaker at passing cars.

The gift was his old standby that he’d place on the back tire of the ice cream truck that no longer comes around – the Fart Bomb. It pops and exudes a rotten egg smell that lasts a very long time. Right there on my welcome mat where the blind cat likes to sit, right next to her food dish and basket she sleeps in.

I picked up the stinking packet and marched over to his house. I had warned him a year and a half ago (about the same time the ice cream man stopped coming) that I was tired of finding the packets all over my front lawn and asked him to stop. He promptly blamed this on “his friend”, clearly lying so I pointed this out and that I saw him do it from my window. I told him I’d be back if it happened again and I’d be speaking with his parents. He now runs with a pack of 3 or 4 shaggy-haired demons, that I’d be hard pressed to tell anyone what their sex is.

I rang the doorbell and the father answered the door. I greeted him and stated that I’d like his son to stop this, I warned him about it, but I found this on the front doorstep where the blind cat and the other cat like to feel safe. I then informed them that if anything untoward happens to either feral cat, I’d call the police and blame him. And another thing, and don’t interrupt me while I’m talking, the yelling at me from the window is to stop – it’s not like I am stupid and don’t know it’s you. You’ll also stop bouncing your soccer ball off people’s cars – stop lying I’ve seen you – and the super-soaker at passing cars is really dangerous. Sorry if I am such a pain in the ass, but you really should put a leash on your kid, as he’s old enough to know better.

I came home and there was a knock on the door. The child came “to apologize because his dad was making” him. I asked him, with everything here on the steps, it didn’t dawn on you that there might be an animal being cared for? Sorry. You know, you should try being more thoughtful instead of such a royal pain in the neighborhood’s collective ass. Sorry. Don’t do it again, as I’m installing security cameras and I’ll just send your dad a tape.

Yes. I hate children, especially this one, who is so clearly spoiled, a chronic smart-mouthed brat, and an unrepentant liar. It’s why I carry on and make a big deal out of kids who have manners and know how to behave in public, showering their parents with compliments.

I rented, Idocracy, the other night – a straight-to-video-store, hurried and somewhat unpolished movie about a future where everyone has become so utterly selfish and stupid that society falls apart. Everything I hate about people must be all the things the Mike Judge finds abhorrent as well. given his track record. With kids like my neighbor’s and blind-consumerism running rampant, expect your great-grandkids to be living in their own filth and happy to do so.

I’m going to bed after I have my jasmine tea.

I just paid off the last $38 on my car! I now own my Hyundai.

I got my inhertance check. I need to put it in the bank.

I came back from my wonderful week in NYC to find the following things waiting for me:

A German music magazine called, Wahrschauer, from a friend/fan who wrote for it. It even includes a free CD! I wish I could read it. I guess that’s what I get for taking two years of French in high school.

My first issue of Bon Appetit magazine. It’s swank! Friends of mine who work at Sur La Table had some deal that if a customer bought more than $50, they’d also get a free year subscription. Strangely, the high fallutin’ customers would decline the high end gourmand magazine leaving it out there for anyone to snatch it up… so my friend signed me up for a subscription – for FREE! The recipes in it have my stomach growling in tortuous ecstasy. I’m a foodie and everyone knows it.

I also ordered a CD and T-shirt from The Restarts, a very good punk band from the UK! Because I chat up the lead singer from time to time, I got a button and sticker as well as a note. He likes taller men, but it doesn’t stop me from flirting. I hope to see them when they tour.

I’m back again. I spent a solid week in the city that never sleeps and found every moment to be a wonderful mix of hope, amazement, and happiness.

When I stepped out of the security checkpoint at the Newark airport, I was warmly welcomed by everyone’s favorite barber and he made it feel like home. A quick trip from EN-JAY to EN-WHY, a warm apartment and then out and about for food. I looked up at the buildings and tried to imagine the warm breezes of spring and summer swirling past me. I asked myself if I could possibly live here and a smile spread across my face. The pace of the city didn’t annoy me like it has in the past and I actually enjoyed it. Even the cold didn’t make me grumpy. I must have gone soft or something.

So much was packed into this trip and the highlights include:

• Insane amounts of cuddling, biting, sweet words, and P.D.A. in which made more than one person conclude that we “were cuter than a basket full of kittens”.
• Buzzcock anniversary party on Friday. The band, “Whiskey and Whores”. Drunken chatter. Laughter. A brilliant party put on by my pal, Moxie. I’ve never seen this energy in a gay bar before.
• Seeing all the people I got to meet in September when I was there. Repeated calls to hang out, drink a beer or eat somewhere made it feel like I was part of something.
• Going to a matinee showing of Perfume – a fantastic, dark, erotic thriller of a fairy-tale and another must see movie recommendation from me.
• The best pizza on the face of the earth is Lombardi’s. Do not argue. Followed up only by rice pudding at Rice to Riches.
• Getting the other side of my neck tattooed with a matching swallow and getting the one done in September touched up. It’s healing fast! Bailey at Daredevil Tattoo is awesome.
• I saw snow. Huh. Weird. Twice.
• A trip to the Leslie Lohman Gallery space in SoHo. Fantastic space, great people, some wonderful sketches done in the drawing circle up on the walls. I so want to be a part of that creative energy.
• Bopped on over to the Leatherman, showed them samples of the greeting cards, and now I have North American representation – they ordered their first batch of cards from me and they should be on the card rack in 3 weeks!
• Networking. Feelers out. Fantasizing about apartment living and lazy Sunday sleep-ins.
• Dumpling Man!

I can’t wait for the warmth of spring.

Ah! The sweet smell of freedom. Oh wait, that’s my armpits.

I’ll be gone until Wednesday next week attending the BuzzcockNYC anniversary party and to hang out with my NYC buddies. Hopefully it won’t be too cold, but I’m sure there will be ample opportunities to warm me up – be it booze or my favorite boy.

Toothbrush – check, blue mohawk – check, sweatshirts and long johns – check, Boysenberry syrup for the one day trip to CT for my mom – check.

See you in a week! Be good. And if you can’t be good, be really naughty.

I’ve found something that makes me blissfully happy. Something that makes me feel like taking a Jeep, with several close friends, to a summer vacation on Cape Cod.

My newest obsession as of late is a band that came out 3 years ago from Worthing, UK. I’m not big on pop music, as I’m very exacting when it comes to this genre and it has to be the cream of the crop (at least to me). I’m not sure why non of my Brit pals ever mentioned this one to me.

Imagine if you took Two-Tone ska, marinated it in the Smiths or Morrissey, and sprinkled it with Mod guitars and you’ve got immensely likable pop music from a band called The Ordinary Boys.

I’m now on a quest to get every single one of their CDs at not import prices as iTunes USA has only one song, whereas iTunes UK has every single one due to copyright worries.

I looked The Ordinary Boys up on YouTube and I can’t get enough of the melodies.

January 19th is the one year anniversary of BuzzcockNYC – the alternative for Queers in the Alternative Scene. DJ Bejay spins queer Alternative, Punk, Skin, Oi, & Ska. Barber Andy & Jake the Barber lop off your locks and Kyle The Bootblack will shine those boots of yours!

Come! Drink! Have fun! Doors open 10 pm.
Cover charge $10 / Only $5 for Buzzcock list members
(to become a member email list@buzzcocknyc.com)
Friday, Jan 19, 2006
on the First Floor of the Eagle
The Eagle is located at 554 West 28th St. btwn 10th and 11th Ave.
For more information contact: info@buzzcocknyc.com
to sign up for the mailing list: list@buzzcocknyc.com

And I’ll be seeing you there!

Last night I saw Children of Men. It stars Clive Owen, Julianne Moore and Michael Caine and is directed by Alfonso Cuarón. I loved this movie, but I feel the need to get the bad crud out of the way before a lavish praise on such a spectacular piece of film.

The Bad:
As always, I often loathe going to the movies because somebody does something to ruin it. It’s an assault of smells, aftershave and nachos, to begin with. And if it’s not cell phones going off, it’s gaggles of idiots who are lost without their pack who can’t find a place to plunk their stupid asses. All people who should be shoved in a shredder because nobody would miss them. This experience was no exception, though with this movie I noted a wonderful bonus that made me hate people even more than I do now – inappropriate laughing.

Let me explain. This movie is harrowing. I counted 3 instances where my heart was in my throat, pounding away, and my hands were at my throat or gripping the arm rests. There is a scene where lots of people are dying – blown up or being shot – and people were laughing. Laughing at death, like it was a first person shoot-em-up Playstation game where you can hit restart. And it wasn’t one of those uncomfortable laughs either. It was a hardy belly laugh. Not by one person, but at least 20. Yes, folks, this is the world in which we all have to live – with shit-fucks like this. These people make renting movies a gift from heaven.

The Good:
This movie is amazing. Simply put, it is a vivid reminder about how war has a knock on effect and everything is connected. Not only is it set only 20 years into the future, but it’s a dirty future where everything goes horribly wrong and life isn’t worth shit. The impetus for this is no female has given birth in 18 years and society breaks down everywhere and this is brought on by abuse to the environment, war, terrorism, and various other horrible things we’ve done to the earth. In 100 years, humans will be extinct and the earth can go about revolving around the sun without us. There are many ways of looking at this beautifully crafted piece of intricate storytelling and the acting is sublime.

Every placid, quiet scene is butt up against a scene where there is something so beautifully jarring. Clive Owen can tell so much from a simple facial expression, whether it’s icy coolness or understated disgust or quiet discomfort. The man can act in subtleties that most actors would kill to possess. Julianne Moore, is well, Julianne Moore and I expect nothing less of her. I’ve loved her in Magnolia and I loved her in Boogie Nights. Michael Caine plays an old award winning political cartoonist who has gone off the grid and this role for him is just another great one to put on his list.

Do yourself a favor and see this movie. Stay through the credits to hear Jarvis Cocker sing about how “cunts are still running the world“. Perfection.

I went to Wal-Mart to pick up some things, lightbulbs and catfood for the cat, and then I saw something that I made me have to catch my breath.

These two very fit guys rounded the corner, obviously friends at first glance, but as I looked for the lightbulbs (which they didn’t have) one saw that the other had something shmutzy on the other’s back and announced that he did and tried to get it off. It was a sweet gesture that gave a lot away. These boys were more than friends.

I must have had the stupidest look on my face, like somebody in mid-exhale, mouth wide or parted and eyes watching them as they passed. They looked quizzically at me so I smiled disarmingly and they went back to fussing about this stain on the back of the others shirt as one followed behind the other pushing the carriage.

Now it wasn’t just that, but it was also the look of these two young men. They were a striking couple. Fit because they work out, comfortably dressed in jeans and t-shirts, slightly on the hip-hop side. It was them, physically. The one with the stain, pushing the carriage was a very light skinned black male with freckles, green eyes and a wide back, the other was of mixed racial background, Anglo features, light brownish red hair and a red chin goatee, green eyes, and both with beautiful creamy brown skin.

I literally stopped in my tracks at how beautiful they were. Together. The sweetest amount of care for the other. I could have followed them around all day, just watching them. I think I would have paid for it. Thinking about them now still takes my breath away.

I watched the one with the carriage pay as the other one waited a distance from the registers, turn with his back up against the wall and dote on the other. I couldn’t help but smile like a goon. He caught me looking at him and he stared back with a strange look on his face. I paid, I stared, he stared back amused, my smile widening.

I’m so happy to be alive.

Catch this before it get’s yoinked off YouTube!

I did some cleaning up of my blogroll on the right hand side, having a rather annoying habit of switching out links on a whim or because they stopped producing interesting things to read on a regular basis. If I’m going to make any sort of resolution this year, it’s to get rid of all the dead weight that I’m sick of carrying around.

I come into a large sum of money next week. The inheritance my aunt left me has finally come to pass. I’m traveling to New York City for the next Buzzcock Party which happens to be the 1 year anniversary party and I plan on getting plenty of R&R with people I enjoy being around. Some a great deal more than I want to express. I’ll just save all my sweet and dirty nothings for his ears only.

My job and my life are really getting on my tits and all I want to do is sleep. When I’m not working or doing things that need to be done, I’m painting a lot – and that’s a very good thing.

I had a very strange conversation with my brother last night. He and his boyfriend were making me laugh about all sorts of things and then they started talking about the who/what/why I’m headed to NYC. Understand my brother is fabulously quick of wit and his boyfriend is equally charmingly funny and sharp, especially when they’ve had a few drinks. I was questioned with all sorts of laughable things that I was suspected to be up to and these included, with my responses in parentheses:

• Are you doing porn? (Not until I have a body to kill for)
• Are you a foot model? (I side-stepped that one)
• Are you an escort? (You’re kidding, right?)
• Do I have cancer? (… WHAT!? Who goes to New York to treat cancer? To which my brother quickly carped: “That one was mom’s idea. I swear it!”)
• Is my health failing? (again, my mother.)
• Is it something glamorous? (I’ll tell you later, but you better not rat me out!)

I’ll be taking the train to Connecticut to visit my family and hang out for a day or so, but not too long. There is a reason I live far away, after all, I do like my privacy. As I explained to my dear brother, there are just some things Mom and other people in the family are just better not knowing. All because of my secrecy about this site and my art for the last 15 years, they assumed the worst. The worst! I just don’t feel like having lengthy conversations about toe sucking, watersports and fisting.

I am still very leery about telling my brother ANYTHING because he has a habit of turning around and serving up a big plate of secrets to obfuscate the laser guided attention my mother is giving his current behavior.

In any case, his and his boyfriend’s reaction should be interesting.