I got my Vespa back yesterday from the mechanic and rode it back to my house. $300 later and it runs like a charm. Now I need to insure it and get my motorcycle license. So the studying to get that begins as I didn’t need one in Kansas. I think I’m going to wax it and make it look beautiful! Well, more than it already is.

I bought myself a belated birthday present – The Sims 2 University Expansion Pack. I haven’t really played it too much, though I’ve made some interesting families.

I made some bleachers for a pal of mine in Alabama… the same pal who made me those wonderful bondage pants in exchange for a piece of art. His box of customized jeans arrived the day a package from him arrived – a wicked leather jacket I’m going to customize! It’s perfect. All it needs is some spikes and some other custom touches and paint.

I’ve paid off two of my credit cards and I’m balancing my finances. This gave my nightmares as I’ve never been very good with handling my cash flow. I think I must have had bad dreams all night because when I woke up I had felt like I ran away from something in my sleep.

I’m going to relax this Labor Day weekend.

Sleep is where I leave
In dreams I’m walking
Bags packed, not looking back
A passport
The road
A backpack
The sounds of sand
Separate me from you
I fade away in the night
Never to be seen again

Today, I got out all the winner’s cards and artwork. Let me know when you get them, guys. Ok?

I also sold a nice guy and fellow scooterist this piece. He’s also going to put it on a scooter jacket patch! Cool, huh? I will get that boxed up and sent off tomorrow afternoon.

Next I’m sketching out some fun stuff for some of the guys at SQREAM and working more on my 8 page comic for Hard To Swallow and a couple of fun commissions.

In September, I’m flying out for the next Buzzcock Party on September 22nd. See you dirty fuckers there!

Lowlight: Driving my car up Highway 15 last night, a rock hits my windshield and chips it. Today, the chip has now turned into a crack all the way across the motherfucker.

Highlight: My insurance handler is an absolute kook. Next time you talk to me, ask me to do an impression. I cancelled the claim as I can get a new windshield installed for roughly $190 instead of the $450 I was quoted from my insurance.

Lowlight: My dead aunt’s log cabin in Massachusetts is still on the market and it looks like my mom will have to drop the price on it drastically to get it to move.

Highlight: Mom mom sent me 7 jars of home made jam: raspberry, cherry, strawberry and blueberry.

Lowlight: My face is broken out and I poke and prod. I shouldn’t do that. I’ve also got some horrible b-acne.

Highlight: My Vespa is going into the shop in the next couple of minutes so I can get it on the street. I’m so happy about this!

Lowlight: I won’t be hitting the deadline for Hard To Swallow Comics.

Highlight: I have a horny story that will go in the next one!

Lowlight: I’m 33 and I see more and more grey every year.

Highlight: I dye my hair odd colors, women flirt with me, and for my birthday I got several pairs of socks from the UK and several art jobs to bust ass on that make me want to cream myself.

That’s the good, bad, and the ugly this week. I’ll get out the winning art and cards this week to those of you who won.

So the results have been tallied and you voted. I don’t know if I’ve ever jacked off this much to the written word, but that’s what I like about this stuff.

What’s cool is that every single story had votes and there’s nothing like a little group action. Some of the comments were just as hot as the stories themselves…

“YO! I had to jerk off at work in the bathroom after reading that story
yesterday. Fucking great story!”

“I don’t think my keyboard works anymore ‘cuz ov all the spunk I dumped in it. Cheers!”

“Some of the stories made me feel like I was there! Christallmighty! Thanks for the jerk-off material!”

“How many times can one guy cum… I mean, vote?”

“That shit I read was pretty good, so at least i know the artwork was getting its proper due.”

Here are the results:

Circle Pit of Crusties – Grand Prize Winner!

Dog Pound – 2nd Place

Untitled Wank – 3rd Place

Random Drawing – Peter Halpert, Philadelphia

If you missed the rest of the stories, make sure you give ‘em another one-handed salute here and thanks again for putting out.

Tomorrow, I send off two pieces to an Austalian bloke who likes rubber and watersports and that completes my first two runs of any print I have had available! They are sold out and discontinued. Not to worry, there are plenty others to choose from. In addition, I’m busy with some commissioned work, an 8 page story for Hard To Swallow Comix, and some sketches for SQREAM as they want some hot patches and t-shirt designs. These are great distractions to have.

Tomorrow night, I announce the winner of the 1000 Words Contest. If you want to get a vote in, do it now, as you’ll be entered to win a 5 pack of cards with the image in play on them. I told you, I’m a giver. But this will be after I go out and eat at my favorite restaurant – Region.

Then, I start planning my week in New York City for the Buzzcock Party. On September 22nd I’ll be signing posters, selling work, shaking hands and if I like what the DJ is playing – most likely shaking my rump! I hope to see some of you there.

I need to learn to not listen to world events while driving. I also need to learn to let steam out gradually instead of holding everything in and then exploding in one searing rage. These two things don’t go together at all, as I should keep all my raging to when I’m safely outside a vehicle I’m at the wheel of. Brace yourself, as I try to no post as much political shit on here as it depresses the shit out of me and my friends and fans, but I’m going to let off some serious steam…

I’m so completely tired of listening to liberal, apologist windbags who think American foreign policy is to blame for the alarming rise in fundamentalist muslim extremism and turn around and state that we should take a long hard look at society and why these “angry young men” plot to do the things they do. And then, turn around and state that these same young men are just misunderstood good people. You can’t have it both ways. These disaffected middle class morons with a martyr complex don’t deserve compassion as there is no reasoning with them. With the same sort of logic, how do you explain those kids who shot up their high school in Columbine? All of these people have one thing in common, they couldn’t think their way out of a wet paper bag. These supposedly “upstanding” good men have been born in a country with choices and I think they should all choose to go back to the country their grandparents fled from and think those glorious thoughts about virgins and the afterlife. Better still, give me a rope and line them up – I’ll gladly sling them up from a tree and short circuit the whole damn process.

I’m so completely tired of the overreaction by the state of Israel against what they say to be Hezbollah, but any sane person can see it’s a ham-handed fist hellbent on crushing a neighboring country. I think the Zionist regime should be forced to pick up the tab of rebuilding Lebanon (which ultimately means the United States as we bankroll their government – and American people should be rippin’ pissed about that!). The Israeli government should be hauled before the war crimes tribunal in The Hague as soon as they put down their weapons. And before any of you out there send me hate mail, calling my an Anti-Semite – try looking up the difference between a country, a government, a religion, and a people. Jewish boys, just for the record – turn my crank – especially the swarthy, 5 O’clock shadow sporting guys with eyes as sparkling as the Mediterranean itself. This is a big, fat FUCK YOU in advance, so save it.

On the other side of the coin, I’m so completely tired of Hezbollah, Al Queda, and all of these groups of nut-jobs they’ve spawned. You’re causes and ideology are more twisted than a pig’s tail. Sick fucks with no respect for human life or your fellow muslim trying to make an honest living in democratic leaning countries. You’re hatred only ignites a fire in me so hot that I’m moved to say things so over-the-top, that spouting off like this is the only thing that stops me from picking up a gun and filling you with lead. It’s such a shame to see such handsome men lining up to die. Literally, drop dead gorgeous.

I’m so tired of American religious extremists – from the lowliest, thick-spectacled anti-abortionist to the most ridiculous, mouth-breathing rapture nut right up to our Idiot King George. You want the “End of Days”, motherfuckers? Put a plastic bag over your head and breathe deep. You’re about as useful as tits on a boar hog. The Republican Reich has done more to set this country back in almost every arena imaginable and I’m sick to the back teeth with it all.

I’m tired of the news and their perpetual 24-hour hard-on for non-news stories where only the most bloody and horrific stories break through to the public who have a right to know. I’m tired of people who put rainbow stickers on their Volvos and those Jesus fish and Calvin stickers pissing on the backs of a gas guzzling SUV. I’m tired of people who tell me I’m an “angry young man”. I’m tired of boring people with nothing to contribute. I’m tired of faceless jerks on the internet, who contribute nothing yet are so quick with a useless quip about what it is that you do. I’m tired of the immigration debate. I’m tired of Democrats with no spine. I’m tired of those late night “Hot Chat” numbers with girls with fake breasts that sound like Carol Channing and those that think it’s sexy. I’m tired of thankless, do nothing wastes of space, oxygen, and flesh. I’m tired of nosey-body, know-nothings with less logical cognitive thought than the most prized aquarium fish. I’m tired of racist bastards who are as thick as their inbred tongues in the heads.

On Monday, I turn 33. I’m just so tired of it all.

What a week!

It starts off pretty well, with the heat breaking and all back down to regular seasonal temperatures. Some sketching on a comic I’m working on and the contest stories got launched and I was in an actual good mood.

Then the week started.

Work has been frantic fuckin’ hell with our most major client getting a whole bunch of new shit and then me coding up a website for them. I never like to talk about my day job. It’s a bit much this week. Then home and I have to chase two baby possums out of the kitchen because I left the back door open.

I hate possums. They are the most ugly things, with their beady eyes and needle teeth. Then after I shoo them out, I close the door. It rains and the cat comes inside through her kitty door installed in the window, 4 feet off the ground. I’m trying to watch some porn and she’s up on the bed, flumps down and I finish off as I feel funny doing that in front of her. I’m putting things away and there’s a noise in my bedroom and the cat is down on the floor. I can’t tell what she’s doing, so I pick her up and place her on my bed to calm her down as I’m going to go to sleep now. I lay back and out of the bedroom door runs one of the baby possums!! The cat chases it down the hall and veers off to her food and quickly starts eating it so the possum doesn’t get any. Thanks, Kitty. I turn on the lights and there’s the dirty little fucker, near the cat door but not going out of it. So I am frantically looking around for something to hit it with and all I can find is a rolled up tube of contact paper.

Bat! Bat! Bat! Back and forth, I prod the little monster like some hideous fun fair game, trying to get it out the door. It makes little squeaking noises and bares it’s toothy mouth at me. This just isn’t working, so I balance my hand on the back of a chair with the tube in the other and wait… wait… wait… until he’s right in front of the cat door and with one swift thrust he flies out the cat door, 4 feet down. Stay out, you little fuck!

The cat just stares at me.

The next night, he comes in AGAIN! I’m so angry. I haven’t even gone to bed yet and I try to get him out and he jumps down and hides behind the still warm stove as I just finished a pizza. What a dumb shit! He’s now inside the broiler and keeping really still. I smack, kick, rock, punch, yell at, and turn the stove. Nothing. I have to take the fucking stove apart to get the rotten little bitch out! Of course, after I remove the panel and don the thick leather gloves to grab him, he runs out the back door. I still have to disinfect the entire stove.

Then the following night, the house is invaded by ants. It’s summer and that means, ants come to visit. The same kind that crawled all over my sweaty body trying to take me back to their nest to feed their young in the middle of the night. This time, they were trying to get into my Elbow Grease. What the fuck!?

So I had to wipe everything down, Swiffer the hardwood floors, kill the scattered ones who have those their pheromone trail, and soak things in water to get the hidden ones off my toys and such. Bastards.

And the frantic bullshit at work due to bad planning… I’ve had it up to here with all the stupid stuff – here at home or abroad. All I know is I got some serious fun stuff to do this weekend.

Well, you pounded my box with them, I sorted out the bad ones and kept the good ones, I’ve chosen my favorites, and now it’s up to you to vote for your favorite story. There are 13 in total, with the winner getting his very own 13″ x 19″ signed print of the work, with two runners up getting their very own pervy 5 card box set.Here’s where you come in. I’ll pick a voter at random on August 14th (my birthday) and you may be the winner of your very own card set! Ain’t that nice of me? I’ll announce all the winners on that day.

So here they all are. Get your monkey rag and your lube out – you’re going to need it!

Friday Night

Texas Interlude

An Afternoon at the Bathhouse

Gets His Fill

What Goes Around

Skin Bait

Dog Pound

Car Wash Prison Spunk Piss Bath

Circle Pit of Crusties

The Chicago Circle

Pissing Contest

Untitled Wank

Punk Squat